The choicest beers from New York’s best nano breweries to serve at your next event

Every day the regression continues; our society spirals backwards away from the perfection of the recipes of mass produced foods. You are now, for instance, encouraged to make your own goldfish, a queer culinary act which embodies the contradiction of scorning these delicious, time tested mass produced snacks while at the same time doing them great honor by means of imitation. Despite its unsure goals, “handcrafted” seemed to be the the buzzword to end them all, having been forged from the embers of “all natural,” “organic” and “locally farmed.” Yet its evolution was imminent—and, so, what next?

Today this blog boldly predicts the rise of the locally made, negligibly profitable food and drink. Which finally brings us to today’s topic: beer! It seems simple craft brews have stopped being the ultimate sign of great beer connoisseurship, replaced by an increasingly tumescent tide of nano breweries. The nano brewery, as reported in the New York Times, is usually a pimped out homebrew operation, producing only several barrels at a time and selling to a few local establishments or literally out of their own houses to thirsty passerby, the grownup incarnation of a lemonade stand.

At any rate, the brewmasterlets behind the new nano breweries are so totally passionate about their pimped out hobby that they accept they’ll make little to no profit. Thus we take note of the following brews, hoping that they’ll consider making the label “negligibly profitable” popular on their bottles, so this blog can be like “yeah! That was all us.”

1. Barrage Brewing: McLaughlin’s Folly: Oatmeal Raisin and Vanilla Stout
“A barrage is defined as an overwhelming, concentrated outpouring of… let’s say beer.” The brewmaster behind Barrage has spent over 20 years refining a few recipes, and now has a Kickstarter campaign on to take his operation nano. Once funded—and let’s all pray it is funded…or just donate if you aren’t into praying—you’ll be able to take the old growler(s) onsite to fill up, making Barrage one of the surest bets on this list for actually obtaining great event beer.

Barrage brewing nanobrewery

2. Alphabet City Brewing Co.: Easy Blonde Ale
A brewing company that has gone all craft-corporate, Alphabet City produces an almost appalling 14 barrels at a time. Still, their Easy Blonde Ale is said to be straight up delish, owing to the brewers’ goals of creating a beer “people would want to drink all day long.”

3. The Brähery: Brown IPA
The Brähery is so totally nano you practically have to be friends with one of the brewers to get a taste of what is rumored to be maybe the greatest brown IPA east of anywhere. Located on the upper east side of Manhattan, their recipes provide subtle notes of actual coolness to balance out the overpowering lameness of much of that area.

Brähery yeast cycle

4. Port Jeff BC: Schooner Ale
One of the more established nano breweries (…is that as pretentious as I think it sounds?), the Port Jeff Brewing Company opened in October 2011 and actually gives tours on Saturdays, which is probably the best place to ingratiate yourself with the brewmaster and score some beer for your next event.

Port Jeff Brewing Company

As we continue our slide/ascent from handcrafted to negligibly profitable, keep a lookout for beers so local, so completely convicted that by buying them for your event you make almost no financial difference in the life of the brewer.